Identity builds capacity

Is our identity innate?

This question often lingers in my mind, especially when I’m asked how I became who I am, how I got here, or even how I am so sure about who I am.

Let’s zoom out and consider identity from a broader perspective. Identity, in its simplest form, includes our name, age, and the environment we’ve been shaped by i.e. everything we’ve seen, heard, experienced, and absorbed. Over time, all of this becomes our perception and perspective. It is the sum of everything we've been exposed to, processed, and internalised. Ultimately, it’s a collection of experiences that form who we are and who we become.

The transformation is often subtle, evolving more noticeably when we become intentionally conscious of our actions, reactions, and behaviour. You may notice how your responses vary depending on where you are, who you're with, and what you’re doing. But here’s the key: as I’ve moved through life, I've made a commitment to deliberately observe and reflect on my growth and on how I show up in different contexts and in relation to different people.

Over the years, I’ve built what I like to call my “non-negotiables”, the core values and ethical boundaries I refuse to compromise on. These are the pillars that define me, no matter where I am, who I’m with, or what I’m doing. In short, I came to deeply understand two critical components of identity: who I was, and just as importantly, who I choose to become.

Identity is a Journey, Not a Destination

Let me be clear: identity is not a destination, it’s an ongoing journey. It evolves and expands as time passes, constantly shaped by our experiences and self-awareness. It includes accepting and recognising every version of ourselves from the child we once were to the person we are now, with all the beliefs, realisations, and behaviours that have emerged along the way. All of these pieces contribute to the ever-evolving puzzle of identity.

In the early stages, our identity often forms through the validation of external sources: family, friends, colleagues, and society at large. But true self-awareness and understanding of identity begins when we take the courage to look inward. The real work begins when we seek clarity from within, listening to what we deeply know to be true, rather than relying on external validation. This phase, this inward journey, is often the most difficult, and sadly, it’s one that many people never fully explore. Even when they’re aware, many don’t trust or rely on their inner wisdom to truly define who they are and who they choose to become.

The Role You Play in Creating Your Identity

The role you play in shaping your identity is essential: it is the very foundation of who you are. Your identity sits at the core of your acceptance: of your past choices, your past mistakes, your past growth, and how you’ve evolved over time. It’s about acknowledging who you were, understanding the decisions you made at that time, and recognising how far you’ve come.

What you once stood for is just as important as what you stand for today. Identity isn’t a static concept. It’s a dynamic, fluid process. You are not bound by who you were yesterday. You are empowered by the knowledge of your past, using it as a guide to shape who you choose to be now and moving forward.

The Power of Self-Acceptance

At the core of identity is self-acceptance. Accepting all parts of yourself (the successes, the failures, the struggles, and the growth) is what creates a powerful sense of presence. Your identity becomes a reflection of this acceptance, and when you fully embrace who you are, you begin to radiate that energy outward.

When you accept yourself, you stop seeking approval from others because you’ve already validated your worth. You create an authentic presence that cannot be shaken by external opinions or circumstances. This is where your true power lies: in the ability to own your journey and create your own narrative.

Identity is Your Power to Create

The process of building and evolving your identity is not something that just happens to you. It is something you actively shape. It’s about continuously learning from your experiences, looking inward for answers, and having the courage to choose who you want to become. Your identity doesn’t just define you, it enables you to design your life, to build the future you want, and to fully step into the person you are meant to be.

Remember, identity is a journey, not a destination. So, keep evolving, keep building, and keep choosing who you will become.